The Explosion That Started It
by lulamae-golightly
Summary: They weren't always in love, but they always loved.


**A/N: One last Simon/Kaylee oneshot. Just one. I promise.**

**For now.**

**This is based on a quote by C.S. Lewis-it's a bit of a long quote so I'll interject it at different areas, but it's a really good and true quote about being in love.**

**Firefly belongs to Joss Whedon. I just like messing with the characters.**

_"Being in love is a good thing, but it is not the best thing. There are many things below it, but there are also things above it."_

When Simon saw Kaylee the first time, sitting in front of her ship with her parasol and her smile and her cheerfulness, just looking cute as a button, his heart skipped a beat. _Oh_, he thought, and nothing else came to him.

He had never been in love. He had _thought_ he had been in love, a few times, back in college, but it never lasted. Toward the end of his education years, he started to lose faith in love. He started to become convinced he would just never find it. And now, with River and everything...he didn't even have _time_ for love. But _oh,_ that Kaylee.

_Probably just an attraction, _he thought. _I'll get over it._

When Kaylee saw Simon, she squealed a little inside. She had felt this sense of giddiness before, so it wasn't anything new, but _ooh_, he was so cute. But he also seemed a little distant. After she found out what was going on, though, she understood why. And when she saw that he left everything, his wealth and his family, to save his sister...she thought that was incredibly noble.

She had also never been in love. She had definitely been with men, but it was all physical. She loved to kiss, of course, and she definitely loved sex (and she was not afraid to say it!), but she had only felt that strong of an emotion a few times, and most of the time, it passed very quickly. She wondered if this feeling would pass, too.

_"You cannot make it the basis of a whole life. It is a noble feeling, but it is still a feeling...and in fact, whatever people say, 'being in love' usually does not last."_

As they became closer as friends, she still felt what she felt, though it came and went at times. He was _so_ stupid sometimes. Not academically, of course, he was very good with medicine and science and all that...but _gorramit,_ he really couldn't. But then he would touch her hand or look into her eyes and she'd fall all over again, the drop in her stomach started again and her cheeks flushed.

And he fell for her, too, every time he'd watch her work. She smiled as she did, too. Even with grease on her hands and her face, she grinned. Even as she sweat when she worked extra hard, she was beautiful. _Wow._ he thought. Then he would try to speak to her, and it would all go downhill. And the dropping in her stomach froze into ice, and he just felt nauseous.

_"...Who could bear to be in that excitement for even five years? What would become of your work, your sleep, your appetite, your friendships?"_

When he finally admitted to her, quite out of the blue, how he felt, she was taken off guard.

"My one regret in this is never being with you."

"You mean to say...sex?"

"I mean to say."

And he saw in her eyes, the gleam of love and just a bit of confusion. She wanted to pull him close right there and say, "Oh I love you, I love you so much." but she couldn't, not right now. No, right now she was gonna _live_.

_"But of course, ceasing to be in love does not mean ceasing to love."_

There were times when they were loudly in love, when they fed each other juicy strawberries and kissed on the floor of the engine room, both of them laughing rather loudly, and no one in the crew had the heart to tell them to be quiet, or when they rubbed their noses together in the kitchen, Kaylee standing on her tip-toes and giggling because he looked cross eyed. _Then_ Mal kicked them out. Or the pet names they whispered in between passionate kisses. Baby and babe were Kaylee's favorite, _bao bei_ and dearest were Simon's favorite. Among many others.

But, for all the loud, giggly moments and sloppy strawberry kisses they had, they had a fair share of quiet ones. That was when they caught each other's gaze, just for a moment, but they knew just in a look. When she opened her mouth to say something and he shook his head with a quiet, "I know, _bao_ _bei._" he murmured into her hair, just holding her close.

"I like sayin' I love you, though," she said. "I...just wanna put it in words, so you know."

"Of course I know. And I love you, too. So much, dearest."

_"Love in this second sense — love as distinct from "being in love" is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit...They can have this love for each other even at those moments when they do not like each other."_

Sometimes she was grumpy and cross about little things. She was also a master of the silent treatment, walking past with a cold stare. Simon wanted to pull his hair out because of her sometimes.

And Kaylee _hated _it when Simon was so...clean about everything. She understood some things, but she couldn't stand him rearranging things in her bunk. "Don't _do_ that!" she'd exclaim.

"I'm just trying to tidy up!"

"Maybe I don't want you tidying my things up!" He certainly wasn't in love with her right then. And she certainly wasn't in love with _him._ They could barely stand each other, and because of little things other people would find stupid.

Zoe understood, though. "The more you love someone, the more you can't stand them sometimes." she explained to Kaylee with a chuckle. "Believe me...I know."

_""Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise."_

"Kaylee?" Simon asked one night as they looked out at the stars.

"Yeah?"

"Well...we've...been like...this for quite awhile now, and...I love you with all my heart, even when I don't like you, I love you. I can't...can't _not_ love you. And...I wanted to ask...well..." he sucked in a breath. "Would you...marry me?"

Kaylee looked up at him in disbelief. "Yes!" she exclaimed, giggling. "Oh, yes!" And Simon threw his head back and laughed, too, happy that this went _much_ better than he expected. And the stars were shining and she was grinning so _beautifully_ as he put the ring on her finger, lacing his fingers with hers and pulling her close, swaying softly as if they were dancing.

_"It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run."_

The wedding was small. But it was just enough. They had chocolate covered strawberries (Kaylee had never had chocolate before, and she declared it was the most wonderful thing in the entire world.) and she wore a gorgeous white dress, and Zoe did her hair, and she glowed, just like everyone said every bride would. Simon didn't even believe that cliche until then. And there was dancing and laughter and of course, love.

They knew, that it wouldn't be easy. There would be times, so many times, when they would wanted to kill each other. When they wouldn't feel in love, but they would still love. They would cry and scream, but also laugh and whisper. They would look at the stars and kiss, or just hold their pinkies loosely as they walked. But the important thing was that they loved. Because _love was the explosion that started it all._

**A/N: Hopefully that was sappy enough. Thank you for reading. :-)**

**-Lulamae**


End file.
